I REALLY NEED TO BE NAKED WITH YOU, PLEASE!

Now that I have your attention, maybe you guys can help me out here.

I have been pondering on this specific issue for a while now and i feel in my gusts that I am not alone on this.

The thing is that everywhere and everything you go or/and do in this world, perception seem to be a major factor, if not the very thing, people use in accessing who or what you are.

Ever heard of first impression last! Yep, that's it. 

So I ask is perception always right, or it is just a limiting factor, people need to get pass in order to see the real thing?

This 'Perception' thing is so major that every, if not all, organization channel a lot of energy and fund towards it. It is so huge that people have allowed this control their personal lives as well. Why, won't it? People run organization, don't they?

Anyways, the very issue i have with this 'Perception' thing is that, it has made it so difficult for people to distinguish between the 'REAL' and 'the FAKE', if you know what I mean.

Okay, let me break it down. Because people are been judged by perception, people generally work on themselves (even organizations are guilty of this) to be something or someone else as oppose to what or who they truly are. 

Please don't get me wrong, perception is a good thing - if not the Branding industry and the likes will not be doing so well but I'm not going to get into that today. Perception is really understanding who you really are than who someone else is. Don't know if you get my drift?

What I really want to understand is, why is something so good, be so wrong? 

The concept of perception is something I do not totally agree with, well for one, first impression is not always right and because it worked in one doesn't necessarily mean it will work for another. That is to say, 'What is good for the goose may not always good for the gander'. Sometimes, what we perceive may just be limited by our knowledge and understanding of that thing or that someone. 

So why based your conclusion on what you perceive only once or twice even besides, what makes you think your perception is right anyway?

I guess what I am trying to say is that the concept of perception has made us so judgemental that people are forgetting to be who they truly are. In order words, 'fake-ness' (lack of a better word) is the order of the day. Fake relationship, marriages, lives, parts of the body. Every one prefers to be a cheap replica of themselves.

So, Why can't I get naked with you? I want to reap off all the fake masks I'm wearing and be my real self. I don't want to be a stereotype, I just want to be me. Breathing the fresh air of being myself means freedom, happiness and longevity.

Conversely, Life is too short and complicated to play someone else or worse be someone else because someone says so, don't you think?

 

If you go back to one of my blogs titled 'A CRY FOR HELP' though it was about my favourite artist, Whitney Houston, you will discover that this perception thing has gone a little too far.

Pressure to be perfect in an imperfect world, how ironic is that. If truth be told people want to be free, they want to let lose and most importantly they want to be naked when it matters, which is, most of the time, if you ask me.

Perception without judgement, results in people airing their opinions without the fear of been reprimanded thus making them true to themselves and their environment at large. 

So I ask again, may I get nake with you? 

So real and so true

Real Gentlehawk.

GUEST CELEBRITY - UTI NWACHUKWU

Well guys,

Welcome! Today I will be sharing with you my interview with a celeb.

As part of revamping my blog, I have decided to interview once in awhile, some celebrities. Get them to be real and true to us. And I mean celebrities with real talents and not just some fortunate somebody.

People, we believed deserve to be applaud for all their works and achievements over time.

These are the people worth celebrating and that is why they are known as CELEBRITIES.

So enjoy this and don't forget, if you think we have omitted and question, or better still you have any question you want to ask an f our celeb, please feel free to ask. Be sure that we will get the answer for you! 

So, I had the pleasure of interviewing our one and only UTI, some remember him from the Big Brother Reality show and some of us know him from another show called JARA and the lucky one know him long before that. However, we will get to know him a little better...

1) Congrats on your achievements so far, you've done your fans proud. From Next movie star to BBA winner, to a presenter on Jara....

Thank you very much. It was all God's perfect will and by his grace, progress is inevitable.

2) So tell us how easy was it for you to breakthrough into this industry....

Just like every dream journey, it wasn't easy in the begining. I had to deal with failed promises, dashed hopes, scammers, school completion, dedication hard work and keeping my religion intact. I dreamt big right from high school so to see it manifest step by step was so surreal. 
My life changed from the first moment I went into BBA. God used it to open doors for me. Winning BBA just made things a whole lot easier. I didn't have to settle for less cos BBA was like an African PR for me. Everyone got to see what I could do. So when I came out, the offers started rolling out and they haven't stopped since.

3) You must have a lot of people you look up to in the industry....

Oh yes!! I remember watching Frank Edoho on who wants to be a millionaire and then thinking to myself, I would love to do that. He is classy and well spoken. Can't say the same for most of our tv presenters in Nigeria. So yeah! he inspired me to go into TV hosting. For acting I really used to laugh at our Nollywood talents in the past. But all that changed when I started to watch Desmond Elliot , Ramsey Nuah, Chidi Mokeme, Emeka Enyiocha, Rita Domnic, Desmond Elliot and Dakore, they still inspire me up till now.

4) From your own perspective, how would you rate the improvement of Nollywood over the years...

Well in terms of story telling! Picture quality, sound quality and acting, we have improved tremendously! Even the class of actors on and off screen has improved also! Slowly but surely we are getting to the international standard. 

5) So what is a regular day like for Uti when he isn't working...

Sleep, eat, work out, go to the movies, hang with friends till late and then sleeeep! Lol

6) We would (your fans) love to know who truly Uti is...

Habah. All you see is who I am. I am God fearing, I love a good laugh, very lively, I care a bit too much for friends and loved ones (yep I love to help out in any way). Sometimes I have mood swings and loose my cool a bit. I never will compromise my upbringing, morals ,values and spirituality. 

7) What are the current project(s) you are working on...

I have a couple of movie scripts lined up. I have 2 movies about to be premiered both here and internationally. ( red hot and finding mercy). Hosting a couple of events and a whole lot more. 

8) A lot of artiste have Godfathers/Backbone in this entertainment, do you believe in having one and who is yours?

What I believe in is having ROLE MODELS! The Almighty God should be your godfather, cos God holds the hearts of kings in his hands and he can turneth it to your favour! So I really feel sorry for people that practice or believe in godfatherism. Sad

9) Any guilty pleasure...

Fooooood!!!! Lol. I loooove Food! And I'm such a sweet tooth ehn! Kai! Lol. 

10) So are you married, single, in a relationship, looking for or not looking for?

That my friend is personal information and I have decided not to ever respond to questions about my personal life. Sorry.  Lol

11) What advice would you give to the younger generation who are looking to step into your shoes...

Hold God close. Love God and feel his love. Dream big. Work towards your dream. Never ever entertain envy, bitterness, unforgiveness, betrayal, jealousy or wickedness. The sky is big enough for all the stars to shine so never be in direct competition with anyone.

Well folks, there you have it...from our beloveth Uti Nwachukwu! 

Till I bring you another amazing celeb, a little word of advice...

"Don't be afraid to stand for what you believe in, even if that means standing alone"

Your Gal, peace!

Real Gentlehawk 

www.realgentlehawk.com

The Top 30 Beauty Secrets from the People Who Know Best

Hi Y'all,

I read this great article written by Ysolt Usigan for SHAPE.com online and I thought it is worth sharing with you.

So you are welcome! Hope you enjoy it and find it useful as I did. 

We got top beauty editors, makeup artists, bloggers, and more to spill their favorite tips and tricks. Get ready to put your best face forward!

1. Layer your liner: "If you're not a professional makeup artist, it can be difficult to line those eyes, but then again liquid liner tends to stay on longer and smudge-free. So what I do is, I line my eyes first with a pencil liner because it's easier to make that straight line with it. Then I go back on the line with the liquid liner. It's kind of like coloring! The result? Your eye liner will stay on, smudge-free, and well-lined."

2. Blot with these: "If your skin is on the shiny side, stop by your local Starbucks, grab a handful of those brown napkins, and shove them in your purse. They work better than any blotting papers I've used and they're free. And, don't feel guilty about pilfering from the coffee conglomerate. If they're charging four bucks for some java and steamed milk, they owe you a shine-free face." 
-Daneen Baird, founder and editor-in-chief of SpoiledPretty.com

3. Invest in a good hair mask: "I have extremely thick tresses that get dry and frizzy during extreme seasonal shifts. I apply a conditioning hair masque and leave it on overnight, rinsing in the morning. Hair becomes angelical soft and immediately rescued." 
-Amy E. Goodman, author of Wear This, Toss That!

4. Get soft and sexy eye makeup: "For an eye look that's defined but not too heavy, line your upper lash line with black eyeliner and the bottom lash line with brown eyeliner. This is one of my biggest makeup artist tricks for beautiful, soft eyes!" 
-Mally Roncal, celebrity makeup artist

5. Warm your lash curler: "Run your eyelash curler under warm water (or blast it with your blow drier for a second) before using it for a considerably curlier result that lasts!" 
-Alexis Wolfer, editor-in-chief of TheBeautyBean.com

6. Open up your eyes: "Take a white eye pencil and line the inside rim of your lower eyelid. This really makes eyes pop! Fun fact: Look at the old black/white photos of the gorgeous women of the '30s and '40s like Marlene Dietrich and you'll see this was done to them. Additionally, if your eyes are a close set, use the white pencil to lightly line the section where the upper and lower lids come together, closest to the nose. This will make them appear wider apart. The key here is to make sure it's sublte." 
-Candice Sabatini, editorial director of BeautyNewsNYC.com

7. Hydrate, hydrate, hydrate: "The best thing you can do for your appearance is to drink lots of water. Hydration helps your skin stay moisturized and glowing, boosts your metabolism, and keeps your energy levels up. Spritz water on your face too, especially in the summer, to keep it feeling and looking refreshed." 
-Debbie Strong, senior health editor at Everyday Health

8. Sanitize for a clean chin: "If you break out on your chin and jawline often, try using and keeping a hand sanitizer next to your computer. We often unconsciously touch and lean chins into hands while zoned out in front of the screen, causing the dirt and bacteria on our hands to spread and trigger breakout-prone areas of the face." 
-Grace Gold, freelance beauty reporter

9. Maintain your sexy blow-out: "To preserve a blow out, I sleep with my hair in a top knot secured with hair pins to keep the texture and shape. When I wake up, I just let it fall and spruce it up a bit with dry shampoo on my roots and if I need to, I'll refresh it with a blow dryer." 
-Jeannine Morris, editor-in-chief at BeautySweetSpot.com

10. Face-washing strategy: "To keep my skin from drying out, I use two different face washes-a heavy duty gel-based one in the evening and a lighter milk-based cleanser in the morning. A lighter cleanser in the morning helps the skin retain protective oils." 
-Alina Dizik, freelance beauty writer 

11. Make mascara count: "Make a $5 tube of mascara look as good as the results from a $25 tube by holding a business card up along the inside edge of your lashes and sweeping the brush against it with your other hand. This way your lashes can't bend out of the way of the brush and you end up coating every lash all the way to the tip. The results will leave you wide-eyed in more ways than one." 
-Wendy Toth, senior lifestyle editor for Digital Works @NBCU 

12. No powder, no oil: "After age 35, never ever wear powder (except maybe a dab on your nose). It settles into wrinkles around the eyes and mouth to instantly age skin. Instead, go for a tinted moisturizer and/or a stellar concealer like YSL Touche Eclat that deflects light to minimize lines. Use facial blotting tissues like those by The Body Shop with tea tree oil to blot excess oil." 
-Ingrid Schmidt, freelance style and beauty editor 

13. Take the power back: "I once splurged on a very expensive haircut at a super swanky NYC salon. What did I learn from this $400 trim, besides it looked no different than a $40 cut? I learned to take my power back. When it came time to style my hair, the master stylist asked me how I would like him to do it. 'I don't know, you're the expert,' I said. He begged to differ and lectured me on how I should never give my power away in the chair. Wagging a pricey comb at me, he cautioned me to stay alert and aware every step of the way and never be afraid to speak up or ask the stylist to show you want they are doing. 'Never forget, when it comes to your hair, you're the expert,' he said. Then he offered me champagne." 
-Janene Mascarella, beauty writer for Bella magazine

14. Learn to DIY: "Save money by creating your own tinted moisturizer. I just put a small drop of my liquid foundation and a dime-sized amount of my daily moisturizer in the palm of my hand. I mix the two and voila! I have my own tinted moisturizer! No new products required." 
-Margaret McGriff, Yahoo! Shine community beauty blogger

15. Always wear sunscreen: "Always-no matter what season or climate you live in-wear sunscreen on your face, hands, any part of your skin that is exposed." 
-Betsy Aaron, editorial consultant and staff writer at BeautyNewsNYC.com

16. Fatten up baby fine hair: If you have flat, baby fine strands like I do, an aerosol can of dry shampoo is essential for pumping up the volume. Women who are blessed with hair to spare use it to sop up oil between blowouts, but I like to spritz it straight onto clean roots daily. (Klorane is my absolute favorite brand, but there are some great drugstore options out there, too). The fine blast of powder adds texture and what I like to call "grip" to give my style staying power-and more importantly gives me lift that lasts all day! 
-Ellen Miller, former SHAPE beauty director and current beauty director at Better Homes and Gardens

17. Always wash your face: "I always wash my face with the gentlest product: Cetaphil. And I always moisturize at bedtime, especially around the eyes so that it sinks into the skin." 
-Melissa Chapman, blogger at MarriedMySugarDaddy.com

18. Go crazy for chapstick: "Always carry Chapstick on you and never let your lips get dried up and cracked. No matter what brand or color lipstick you wear, chapped, dry lips will show and never look good." 
-Anne Chertoff, freelance beauty writer and wedding style expert

19. Prime skin with shimmer: "I love YSL's Top Secrets skin primer for when I need to look bright-eyed and bushy-tailed even with no sleep. It has flecks of shimmer in it and was developed for models who had early call times-but worked for us normal girls as well!" 
-Charlie James, videographer and commercial model

20. Fill in your brows: "For people with thin brows, use a pencil first that is a bit lighter than your natural color to define the shape, then follow with a brow powder that is close to your natural hair color with a thin, strong angle brush. After, use a brow gel or sealer which will set the powder. My fave is the Model in a Bottle - Long Lasting Eyebrow Sealer. It is by far the best sealer out there and I have tried many." 
-Lauren Fanuzzi, beauty guru and art director

21. For yellow nails, use toothpaste: "If you get yellow nails after months of wearing dark polish, try scrubbing your toenails with a nail brush and whitening toothpaste. It gets rid of the yellow color. Try it-it works pretty well, and you end up with minty fresh toes!" 
-Roxanna Sarmiento, beauty and style writer, and blogger at everydaytreats.com

22. Use the good oil: "Flawless skin is everyone's best beauty asset. Apply a drop of omega- and antioxidant-rich sea buckthorn seed oil on blemishes to speed up healing and see more perfect skin by morning. It's amazing!" 
-Jolene Hart, beauty and health coach

23. Take advantage of concealer: Brighten your look instantly by dabbing some corrective concealer on the darkest portion of under-eye circles. Pat a flesh-toned shade over it and set with powder. Make sure to apply any eye creams and moisturizers well before application to avoid creasing." 
-Kaylin Johnson, eco-friendly makeup artist and blogger

24. Keep things clean: "Extend the life of your makeup by using disposable applicators to avoid the double dip. Makeup's biggest enemy is bacteria, which are generally introduced to liquid products such as mascara by re-using an applicator. If you've ever had your makeup professionally done, you might notice that we makeup artists always use a new, clean mascara wand every time we have to dip into the product. We do this for the safety of our clients so that bacteria from one client isn't transferred to another, but limiting exposure to bacteria also helps the products last much longer. The easiest way to avoid the double dip is to use disposable applicators which you can generally get at any beauty supply shop." 
-Ann Merin, makeup artist who appears on TLC's Wedding Day Makeover

25. Pick the best bra: "A well-fitting bra is the best beauty trick there is-boost the girls in and up to look younger, thinner, and more proportioned!" 
-Jene Luciani, style and beauty expert, and author of The Bra Book

26. Mix with lotion: "Mix your favorite body lotion with body oil (even a tiny bit of olive oil will work!) for an all over soft sheen. Mix a body bronzer with your favorite body lotion; it's an easy, goof-proof way for a quick boost of color, especially when you are pressed for time!" 
-Michelle McKean, Beauty Mama blogger at ParentSociety.com 

27. Sample eye creams: "Keep those mini samples of eye cream you get with department store 'gift with purchase' in your desk and refresh your eyes during the day by lightly tapping the eye cream on your under eye area-even over your makeup is okay. It's refreshing and keeping your eye area moisturized makes it more youthful looking." 
-Kari Solyntjes, founder of Fab Over Forty 

28. Pillow pretty: "Always sleep on satin or silk pillowcases so that your hair doesn't snag and break when you're tossing and turning. If your hair is prone to dryness, focus shampoo on your scalp. Clean your scalp and when you rinse, the shampoo will clean the length or your hair just enough to gently cleanse it." 
-Kai Chic, creator of Mane and Chic 

29. Use a retinoid cream: "As I get older, I've noticed that I tend to get more clogged pores and blackheads, so every night I use a retinoid cream (the one I like is non-RX) on my chin, nose, and forehead. If I do this regularly, my skin seems to look smoother, and I'm hoping I avoid breakouts. 
-Maria Ricapito, freelance beauty writer for YouBeauty.com, VanityFair.com and DailyGlow.com (just to name a few)

30. Try a bun: "In the summer, I don't have time or desire to blow dry my hair in the nasty heat, so I wear it up in a high bun. It looks polished, takes 30 seconds, and saves my hair extra heat damage." 
-Valerie Denny, senior web editor at Redbook

Culled from Yahoo!

DO YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE?

Well, how do I start this without sounding cliché! 

Ok here goes nothing...

If you are a follower of my blog, you would notice that I love animals. Infact, if you haven't, I advice you should read to see that Animals, Babies, and Mother Nature are my "muse". 

Anyway, read an article online the other day, and the caption was "Spectacular jaguar attack captured on video". I'm sure a lot of people saw this article on GrindTV, I think...if not you should!

Okay, one intriguing thing about this article is the fascinating way the writer described the event. The video is about this Jaguar stalking and preying on a crocodile (Caiman) in Brazil's Pantanal wetlands. The attack was so precise and well-executed that the narrator of the video, who by the way is also a scientist, stated that this particular Jaguar certainly knows its business.

Though the first thought that popped into my head was, "Of course, he should know its business. He is a Jaguar after all, and you of all people should know that".

Though it was meant to be a sarcastic statement, it gave me something to think about when I got pass my silly self. 

Hmm, the honest truth is that this jaguar does really know its business. If not, how can you then explain to me, how a jaguar would think of preying on a caiman, of all animals in that forest. It could as well preyed on something easier like a deer or monkeys, something like that! Why hunt for something as massive and dangerous looking as a caiman? 

Isn't that always our thought! Why take the hard way when I have an easier option in life?

But seriously, this very statement, made me realize that that jaguar must either be mad or does know its business. Yet again, I began to take a good look at the scenario and did a little research on jaguars. And what I discovered, made me so ashamed of me...of you...of us! People!

If only we learn from things we belittle, maybe our lives could better and easier...just maybe!

Firstly, for those who are not familiar with this wonderful animal, permit me to make a quick introduction. Jaguars are the largest cat of the Americas, third largest after the lions and tigers. The jaguar has become a symbol of power, strength, and beauty. Once worshipped as a god, the jaguar's name comes from a native American word meaning “the killer that takes its prey in a single bound.” Jaguars' skill in hunting is partly due to their extremely strong jaws.

The Jaguar prefers to stalk its prey rather than chase and it uses an ambush technique, pouncing from cover on its prey. The Jaguar has perfected this technique and its abilities are second to none.

Jaguars have no real predators, other than humans.

So there you have it. The almighty Jaguar...

Now as I was saying, so during my research I got this revelation. The jaguar knows its business because it knows who and what he is. The Jaguar didn't back down just because the prey looks scary or intimidating. 

Knowing and accepting who you are, placing you in a place where no one and nothing can scare you! It helps overcome anything even when people and situation says otherwise. 

Knowing and accepting who you are helps you see life more clearly, to be true and real to yourself. 

So do you know who you are? And if you do, do you really accept who you are. Not wanting to change anything about yourself? 

Remember you are special and unique for a reason! So live up to your potential.

Real and true,

Real Gentlehawk!

Peace!

Love, Life, God and Everything in between - (A Collection of Poems)

Well guys,

The long awaited book is finally out! 

Wow, it wasn't easy but who says good things are easy anyway, right?

I finally got the nerves to open up my heart to someone...YOU! 

Yes, I finally did open my heart to you all because that is exactly what this book is all about. 

The imperfect ME, with all my emotions and all.

But truth be told, this book will change you as It did me. It will heal you, build you and most importantly,  it will reveal to you what matters most...BEING THE REAL YOU!

The collection of poem, addressed each word of the title.

Love, as we know it, is a whirlwind emotion that for most people, it will take forever to go figure.

Life, well, is a two phase thing though it could also be what is known as "Garbage in, Garbage out" kind of thing.

God, oh goodness, is simply awesome.

And finally, Everything in between, from friends, to family, to parents, to colleagues, e.t.c. That makes the cycle complete.

These poems, as someone puts it, will definitely make you reflect one way or the other on your own Love, Life, God and Everything in between. It will help put to words, feelings you have been wanting to express. 

Better still will help you believe in them once again.

So as you get your copy ( believe me you would want to) and as you read them slowly and leisurely, try to relax and open your mind to the possibilities this book will bring you.

So, be you! Be real! Be true!

Peace!

Gentlehawk!

BRUISED, BUT NOT BROKEN - By Forlah

Well Guys,

I would like to discuss a serious and sensitive topic with you...a topic that I find intriguing and compelling.

Today, I would like to share some stuff on relationship and women. This topic came up whilst I was gisting with one of my girlfriends and she mentioned that a friend of hers is contemplating adoption because she is tired of men and their schemes. That adopting a baby is a far reliable option since age isn't on her side. So i decided to get someone else's perspective on the subject, so here is Forlah, with her views being someone who knows heart ache and pain...

So without much ado, Forlah, explains to us things women do/ feel after been broken...here is Forlah!

   "Many a times, I have heard and seen women miss out on life’s blessings, because they have refused to let go and Let God.
So many women live empty lives today, because they have failed to accept that the past ought not to be dragged into the present. Yes, pain hurts and rejection hurts but, take it from a woman who has “been there”, loneliness hurts even more.

Dear woman, I know what it means to feel pain. I have felt it. I understand you feel betrayed. I have felt it. You are angry. Oh yes, I have been Mad as hell. But, do you know that those things happened for a good reason? There is a reason that relationship, or THOSE relationships you have passed through did not work.

Now, let’s get real here.

“He cheated. He is so ungrateful and inhuman. He was so mean to me. After all I did for him, he messed around with someone else, and even when I forgave him, he ended up dumping me. I cannot forgive him, ever. Men are evil. I HATE men”….. Ladies, kindly pick from the list above. How many of these words have you uttered in anger? Do not be shy, for Yours Truly has said ALL. Yes, take it from a woman who has loved and hurt.

Some of you might have said these words too many a time and now feel that you are better off without the “evil species” called Men. I hear some women have even decided that they are not going to ever try any relationship again. After all, the relationship would definitely end like the previous ones (hmmmmn, already with the mindset that it won’t work out). Some women might say, “Hey, I don’t need a man. I’d just adopt a couple of kids and we would live happily ever after”….. Wake Up Miss Thing. You are living in denial and the earlier you woke up from that hellhole of a dream, the better for you.

Now, some of you are getting angry right? “Who is this woman and what gives her the right to talk here?” So, let me introduce myself to you. I am your reflection. I am that angry voice in your head cursing and screaming at all the men out there. I am that evil look in your eyes that flashes when any man walks up to you to say a simple “hello”.
I can identify with these feelings because I felt the same way. When you love one man for 10 whole years, tie your life around him, become his wife ( well, almost), even when you are not married to him, only to have him wake up one day, look you in the eyes and say “Baby I love you, but I’m not good enough for you.
I’m sure there’s a man out there for you. You deserve to move on with your life, (bla bla black sheep)”.

Your reaction would be a range of these options:
A- Shoot this guy abeg (violence).
B-What da Hell? (Anger)
C-Please God, tell me I’m dreaming (total confusion)
D-Baby please, tell me what I did wrong and I’d fix it (Stoop to beg) and finally:
E-How can you do this to me? Where am I supposed to start from? Who would I love? After loving you alone for 10 years of my life and waiting for you? (Unanswered questions).

Then, there are those friends, those ones who have helped you plan your dream wedding with this your “dream man”.
How do you tell them it’s over? They would be so shocked.

And your family? The ones who have asked you for several years if indeed you know what you are doing, waiting for one man while rejecting numerous suitors. How do you look them in the face and accept defeat? For a while, you’d hide the truth from them. Till it becomes obvious there’s an issue and you are forced to spill the beans.

Days become weeks, weeks turn to months (and, in some cases, years). You lose your spark; you bury yourself in work (and might even get promoted for the extra performance). You become a shadow of yourself. Uninterested, unmotivated and with a big hole in your heart, you tell yourself “Never. Never again will I let myself feel such pain”. So, you do what I did.

You carve a very fine key, lock up your heart, throw the key into the Atlantic and become anti-male".

Well, if you want to know what happened next...BRUISED BUT NOT BROKEN

Forlah's next blog will give you the concluding part of this heart-felt and life changing story. So I leave you all with this last words

"We are human and emotions are our defence mechanism, necessary for our survival. But when we dont guard them or control them, they tend to destroy us. So be careful to let your emotions control you". 

So remember, let's keep it real and true.
Gentlehawk
www.realgentlehawk.com

A LITTLE CHANGE IN THE INGREDIENT

     Well if I might say, twenty thirteen has been quite a year. Half of the year, has just passed and looking back, not where I would like to be, but I thank God for his mercies.

Wish I had reasons to say that the first part of the year isn't what it is but I can't lie. I will be fooling my self. I have taking so many giant steps this last six months that I am surprised at what the human mind can do when it decides to take the bull by the horn.

I am not there yet but I know I am a step closer to getting it right. 

My blog did suffer the consequences of chasing my dreams but while doing so, I have always learnt a lot. A lot from pains, joy, victories and challenges and still learning. 

So I decided that I would not walk this path alone any more...damn the consequences. There are a lot of wonderful people out there who don't have this opportunity, which I have created for myself. 

So why not give them a little push by encouraging them to be true to who they really are.

So in the next months or so, I have decided to feature as many writers as possible. Writers who will write from their hearts, things that no one dare say but want to say. Things that make us who we really are, humans. 

We are going to be working together to bring the unexpected and uncontroversial topics to your world.

All we need is your open heart and mind...your comments and suggestions will be of high importance to us too.

We are going to be your voice, your thoughts and most especially your heart. We are going to be real and true to your very being...

So come along as we share with you, a journey like no other!

While being real and true to who we are. Welcome to a new dawn!

Welcome to a little change in the ingredient!

Your Gal, Gentlehawk 

Www.realgentlehawk.com

BRUISED, BUT NOT BROKEN 2 - By Forlah

Well my wonderful readers, back to the concluding part of Forlah story.

I remember read something a long time ago and please pardon me because I will be paraphrasing this: 

No matter how my heart breaks, no matter how much my soul you take...I will still believe in Love!

From Forlah to your heart. Happy reading!

              My dear sisters, the truth is, as much as it hurts to have been hurt, you need to heal. You need to let go of that pain. Love is out there. It’s standing in the shadows, waiting for you. But, you cannot find love again, if you still carry past hurt around you. I did not cry after my break-up, for over a year. I had a heart of stone. Nothing could melt me. Of course, the men came. Yes, my mum’s wine cabinet increased with visits from suitors. Yes, I rejected every single one of them. Family meetings were even held, with me as the subject of discussion. But I remained un-moved. Until one day, I got an I.V for my Secondary School daughters’ wedding. Suddenly, I felt like a grandma. Extremely old. My little baby was getting married. OMG!! What have I been doing? That day, I went home, looked at myself in the mirror, and told myself the truth “Enough is enough. I do not want to be ‘you’ anymore. I want ‘my’ life back”. 

I remember that night clearly, November 17, 2012, exactly two years that my heart was bruised. I remember playing “Boundless Love”, by Women of faith repeatedly. I lay flat on the ground in my room that night, and told God “I am ready. Break me. Heal me. Touch my heart and make me a new being”. For the first time in 2 years, I cried. The tears flowed for several hours, tears piled up for 730 days. Memories of my relationship flashed through my mind. The good times. The happy times. And the end. Oh! How much I cried. You might not believe this, but I stayed there till the next morning.
That was when I understood the words “though the sorrow may last for the night, joy comes in the morning”. Though my eyes were puffy, I felt peace. Such peace that I could not explain. I felt like I had been re-born, and for the first time, I smiled. Because I knew I had healed.

With phase one complete (Healing Process), I proceeded to phase two (Lessons learnt). I sat down, and looked at those things in me that might have pushed my ex away. Yes, he cheated. But, did I do something? Did I love him less? Did we lose the spark in our relationship? Was I too independent? I hardly asked him for anything (not my fault. I was raised by a single parent and, with no father in sight, mum always handled things) Too rigid? I know he complained that I hardly told him I loved him. I didn’t say it often, but I showed it, or didn’t I? Etc…To some extent, I felt I did not deserve what he did to me. I just knew I had to learn from it. So, I did something weird. I called my ex and scheduled a lunch date/meeting/interview. Oh yea. I sure did. I mean, he had tried to reach me several times in the past year, he even asked me to take him back, but I wouldn’t agree to go near him without a double barrel gun in my hand and, since I couldn’t get hold of a gun, I stayed away. But I called him. Over lunch, I asked him the question I think you ought to ask- WHY? Why did you do that to me? To us? You were my life, my best friend from childhood. I gave you my life and heart and you took 10 years of my life, only to throw it away. Why?

Ready for this? His answer was? The devil….. Oh yes, that man sure knows how to pop up in people’s mouths. My ex blamed the devil. Said he made one wrong decision, got carried away and missed his way back. And then, he said another shocking thing. He told me that, after his error, he just could not bear to be with me. I was too pure, too loving, too maternal, too much of a wife to him, that his conscience just couldn’t stay because he knew I deserved better. A man that would love me, be committed to me and never ever cause me such pain.

Ladies, there I sat, with my mouth ajar. For over a year, I hated, I cursed, I was mad at the world. Now, the truth stared at me in the face: he left me because he felt I deserved better after what he did. That was it, phase two was complete. From then on, I kept telling myself “I DESERVE BETTER”.
It’s been months since that day, and believe me when I tell you that, I indeed have found “better”. I have opened up my heart again and I have let love in. Love came in the strangest of ways. The one person I pushed away the most when I was hurt, is now the most precious gift I have ever received. When he smiles, my whole world is complete. We have our differences, but we resolve them amicably. My family loves him, and vice-versa.

How does it feel? Am I scared? Worried? Insecure? The answer is-“NO”. I feel wonderful, alive, happy, re-born and extremely beautiful. I feel like a blossoming flower, with its petals all fresh and moist.
Dear sisters, if I could do it, you can do it too. There’s love out there, waiting with open arms. You’ve got to let go, let God heal you and let love find its way into your heart. Stop deceiving yourselves by saying men are evil. If indeed men are evil, why is your wardrobe filled with friends’ aso-ebi? Why do you attend their weddings every Saturday? There are good men out there. You just need to let yourself heal enough to let a good man find you. If it means going to good relationship counselors, or just having a tete-a-tete with God, do it.

I do not know what the future holds for me, but right here, right now, I know that I would not trade what I have or how I feel, for a million dollars. I have realized that, even the best of men make mistakes, and we need to show our men just how much we love them. I never knew how to say the words “I love you” in my past relationship, but now, I sing it like a Nursery rhyme, and I see the spark in his eyes every time I say so. 

That was my lesson-learnt; to be more expressive and always assure my man that no one can love him half as much as I do and to learn to let a man take care of me for a change.

I loved, I hurt, I bled, I healed, and in the midst of all the pain, I found love again. My sincere prayer for you, is that you would find love again too.

Come out of that shell: there’s a beautiful world out there. Waiting for you!!

So be real and true!

Gentlehawk 

IS NATURAL PHENOMENON NOW OBSCENE!!!

Okay this is madness…now, this is totally unbelievable!!!

Please, does civilization mean that we now neglect what is right for what is wrong or that this technology age is making our hearts operate like the machines and computers/systems we use?
I am not sure what to make of all these craziness when the unnatural is considered as not obscene and the natural is considered as obscene.

HELP! HELP!! HELP!!! Or is it just me? I am still living in the early age…would someone please explain this to me, maybe I am missing something people?

Please could someone explain to me how BREASTFEEDING could be considered as obscene, even if it is done in public?
Okay let me explain to you what this ranting is all about…before you stop reading this article.

I read an article where a couple were thrown out of a club or something like that, why you ask? Okay now, they were thrown out not because they were terrorist or did something stupid like walked in naked but because the wife was breasting their baby.
They were asked by a female supervisor to leave the diner (Can you imagine, that! A FEMALE supervisor – my guess is she never ever feed a child in her entire life). After a back and forth between the couple and the supervisor, the police department which was notified earlier, arrived with one of its officers who had his hand on his gun and the other on his teaser. Police department arrived – how silly, in a developed world! I’m disappointed.


All these paparazzi because a mother performs her natural duty to her child. But pardon me if I am wrong, I just do not get it, and how can that be considered as disturbing.
Also I read that one spokesman considered what happened as a cultural misunderstanding, please (I beg) what is the difference between this man and our “Oga at the top”.
On seeing this article, I decided to do some research on what is going around on this topic. I was curious to know if this is just a one off or there is more to this article, but to my amazement, I discovered that this topic has a lot said on it but it ain’t funny stuff despite the fact that in a lot of countries there are laws and regulations protecting women against this type of harassment and discrimination.

I read some comments on what some people (mostly men) have to say on this and here they are, you can make your own conclusions:
1. “I don’t pee or masturbate in public, so why should a woman breastfeed in public”
2. “Just go in another room. Stay home, nobody wants to see that”
3. “That’s what breast pumps are for”
4. “Just bring a formula”

Now I see why the world is the way it is….why some people’s knots are so out of place.
My guess, because I do feel so sorry for them, is that these same people missed out on this amazing yet indescribable time of their lives and they want others to do too.
If breastfeeding is so indecent, so should be kissing or hugging in public especially if it is happening between same sexes. I don’t know if you know where I am going on this.

The funniest thing is that these same people who have problems with breastfeeding in public, are the same people who will pay anything to play with one.
Please get over yourselves and pervert mind…breastfeeding is a natural phenomenon that your little mind can’t and wouldn’t understand. You can’t understand the magic or the bond that occurs between a mother and her child during breast feeding, so please do everyone a favour, and keep your opinion to yourself.

Therefore, when breastfeeding is done discreetly and decently there is nothing wrong or obscene about it, so please if you are not wearing the shoe don’t tell us where it hurts or doesn’t.

So be real and true to yourself and let these wonderful people be.

Gentlehawk 

www.realgentlehawk.com

@gentlehawk

I AM MY MOTHER’S DAUGHTER

WHAT THE DAUGHTER DOES, THE MOTHER DID - - (A JEWISH PROVERB)

How many times have you wished you were like your mum (Perfect and Beautiful) but then, when she does something to you that you dislike, you wish and say to yourself, "I will never be like her, or, I won’t be like her?

I was on the phone with a good friend of mine the other day, we were chatting about a lot of things, including his upcoming trips and wedding, but majorly why he hasn’t been keep in touch. 

“Work my dear, it takes too much of my time. I have been terribly busy”, he said.

Can you imagine that? i have been busy with work, is his excuse?
Guy, I really don’t get them when their only excuse is ‘work’. We know that already and stop making the rest of us look so unserious. 

Anyways, that was on a lighter note (hey, up me, i made a joke). 

But seriously, back to what i was saying, while scolding him on that (by the way which I enjoy doing with my guys friends – it is fun acting like their mother, most times they are kids… at heart, irrespective of their Spartan exterior), he said something very alarming and surprisingly as well.

Well for me it was, also my response shocked me even further (read on and you will see why).
I made a comment on something I really can't remember what but his response to it was that, “You sound so much like your mother right now”.

When he said that I was taken aback but really, the surprise was from what I found myself replying. I found myself saying, “Why not, I am my mother’s daughter”.

Well as a girl who partially grew up in what felt like a single parent but actually having both parents (long story…and by the way it is complicated!!!) most of my young life, my mother was my inspiration and anchor (duh! don’t we all say that!). 

As I grew from a child to a teenager/young lady, I didn’t think that anymore. I felt she was mean, not supportive and not smart enough to help me, or better still, befriend me (Do not look at me as if you don’t know what I am talking about or this thought has never crossed your mind).

Both of us are always at each other’s throat…the truth then was, it was either I kill her or she kills me, well, literally, it was simple as that. And you know mothers (a good one, is what I am referring to), they never give up on you.
But as I grew a little older, in maturity I mean, I began to understand and see that despite the fact that my mother isn't perfect, she still loves me with her life. 

Her imperfection may be a thing of confusion to me, but the truth is that her imperfection is what makes her human - loving, caring and giving. So I took a good look at myself, reassess myself and discovered that I am not perfect also. 

So whatever, she is all I have got and ever get and I love her because in her imperfection, there is a resounding and resilience perfection.

And as that Jewish proverb said, i can bet my life on it that she also had the same feelings or reservations about my grandmother as I have of her, yet the amazing thing about all this is that, with every generation, the imperfections get better. 

One way or the other, i feel deep within that It is up to us as daughters to upgrade because we have the imperfection of our mothers (No matter who or what you have achieved as a mother or how much your daughters loves or hates you), it is our obligation to upgrade the imperfection a notch.

I am not saying you should change who you are, well the fact is you can’t, no matter how much you try anyway, but what I am trying to say is this, firstly we need to understand and accept we are our mothers' daughter (love it or hate it, it is the way it is) but if there is something about yourself you know you got from your mother, don’t like, upgrade it.

Okay let me explain it this way to you, let say your grandmother is a version 6.0, then your mother will be a version 6.1, you then work on being an upgrade version of 6.1 which is 6.2 - that is what makes it beautiful. 

To all daughters, I would like to hear your opinion on this subject. Your thoughts, your comments, your stories or advice will go a long way. So why not leave a comment or two.

 

Yes, I am my mother’s daughter, I didn’t get to choose it but by God, I would make the best out of it. My mother may not be all that but she is everything to me and together we will walk out our imperfections - for I know who I am.

So I will be real and true to who I am…

MY MOTHER’S DAUGHTER!!!

THE BREAK OF A NEW DAWN by ISI 1

I have known real gentlehawk for some years now.

Real gentlehawk is someone who comes across as a goal-getter. She is someone who knows what she wants and is not afraid to reach out for her heart’s desires.
She approached me, telling me she would like me to come on board her editorial team and she went further to tell me beautiful adjectives on my capabilities based on her interactions with me and referrals from people. I blushed and said an effusive thank-you!

Part of the mandate given to me was ‘a no-holds-barred’ articles. She said she wanted articles that would be as real as can be. She said she wanted people to have insights to ‘our’ person. She wanted people to identify with us like they have known us, she wanted us to be a team of writers who people could trust, and who would say the truth regardless of whose ox would be gored. The mandate sounded scary and challenging but I was and I am thrilled at this ‘newest’ journey of my life.
I welcome you to this journey of discovery and rediscovery of who I am, who you can be, who I was, who you used to be, who I aspire to be, your aspirations, who I can be and who you can be. This journey would most certainly be boring without you. Please oblige me as we undertake this journey together. Hand in hand we would walk together, talk together, discover our potentials both known and unknown. We would be friends.
I pondered on what would be my first piece. I searched the core of my being for a title that would make front page header. I wanted to impress you but again realgentlehawk’s words re-echoed in my ears ’be real’. It was at that moment this title came to mind ‘The break of a new dawn’.

I had to search the net for a word that best described ‘The break of a new dawn’. I saw so many meanings and had a hard time settling for one definition.
After a long search, I settled for these:
1. The time of day when light first appears as the sun rises.
Thesaurus: morning, sunrise, daybreak, daylight, sun-up (US), aurora;
Antonym: dusk, sundown, sunset.

2. The beginning of (a new period of time, etc).
Thesaurus: beginning, outset, onset, origin, birth, genesis, inception, start, rise, advent, emergence, dawning.

Ref:http://www.writersevents.com/Words_Starting_with_A/at_a_tangent_at_the_most/at_the_break_of_dawn_definition.html

I would not speak for realgentlehawk but for me, being asked to write on realgentlehawk’s space is a new period of time for me. I have been writing since I was 10 years old. I wrote when I was happy, I wrote when I was sad. Writing while growing up meant so much to me.
I entered secondary school joined the school’s press club where I wrote most of the editorial pieces. I continued this writing trade of mine to university where I wrote for a couple of media houses on campus.

Then I started working. Writing, took the back seat of my life. I barely wrote but when I did, I wrote out of the anguish of my heart particularly when one of my bosses had got me pissed. I would ‘diss’ them using my pen. ‘The pen was mightier than the sword’.
At some point, life seemed like a drab. Using other talents of mine like singing, I tried to keep myself busy and happy. There was still an emptiness I felt…

I am glad to be onboard this new voyage. Would all of my emptiness end? ‘I cannot categorically say’ *smiles*. However, I plan to utilize this platform given to me to expend myself to you. I want to dare people to be the best that God have them be. You, yes you, were born for a purpose.
While I am not the best me yet, I ‘am certain that you’d find me inspiring and fun to be with. It’s a new dawn for me. Welcome to my world…

A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT

I was young when I first heard that phrase, “A penny for your thought”. I’m not sure who used it first, my mum or dad but the first time I heard and understood it, it was like music to my ears. I practically used it in every sentence I made for a week…and you know how it goes with kids when it come to new toys. You play with it none stop until you get a new one then you dump the old one.

Not until last week while a couple of my friends and I were discussing some issues facing the young adults of today that the phrase came to mind again.

Śādī – love the Hindu word for marriage. I love the way it's pronounced.

Marriage, a very sensitive yet exciting topic that most people forget that it is not just all about the D-day but the moments after the D-day that is the real deal.



Though the statistic of divorce rate in the world right now is dropping but few years ago the high rate was so alarming to the extent that a lot of young adults would rather have a relationship known as what my mother would call "Why get the cow when you are getting the milk" kind of arrangement. It was safer that way, young adults weren't longer risk takers.



Everywhere you look, there is always a failed marriage, reminding you that "You had better play it smart and safe or you are going to get hurt". As my friends and i continued with our discussion, we discovered that the reasons why there are a lot of failed marriages which most times end up in divorce, is that people fail at communicating.

Now, kindly let me explain what i mean by this form of communicate, because it is definitely different from the usual communication required of any couple.

This form of communication requires one to talk about all crazy stuff before, during and after marriage and the interesting part is that this communication is not only with your spouse but with people around you. Where best can one get information if not from people who have been there and done that. Someone once said that "You can't know more than the OLD, because the OLD has more experience at being YOUNG and being OLD, whereas the YOUNG only has experience at being YOUNG".

What i am trying to say is, A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT and maybe it may save a life or two and help bring joy to homes.

Many at times, i hear married women/men hide by lying about their marriage. They pretend that all is well and rosy, knowing well that it isn't. This makes me wonder why they do what they do?

Don't they realise that they are kind of an ambassador to that institution called marriage? Don't they realise that some group of people are watching to learn and see how it is done? Or maybe, it is just out of spite to those who aren't married, or maybe they just want them to make the same mistakes, so that the world would be a better place.

Whatever the reason, A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT. Please make sense of what marriage is by discussing what you are going through with 'us' and maybe 'we' won't be as judgemental about it as we are.

We live in a world that is so hypocritical of a lot of stuff and due to that people aren't true to themselves any longer. And how would they, when the society will be so quick to judge them. The truth is that Marriage is like training a child - an old african adage says that "a woman gives birth to a child be the whole town helps to train that child".




So again, i ask pleading, A PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHT!!!!

Real n True
Gentlehawk

A LETTER TO MY UNBORN CHILD

Hey little angel,

Here is your mummy, she loves you so, so much and therefore decides to write these letters to you because you mean the world to her and you are her world.

My prayer is that you won’t be more confused than you already are because child you definitely will, every day of your life.
You will always want to have a sense of belonging and a sense of acceptance in this crazy world that is so hypocritical.

However, before mummy goes on, let me first say I am proud and honoured to be your mother and no matter what the outcome of your life, I will forever be proud of you as my child. You are my angel and the best thing that ever happened to me.
If I am not reading this to you, it simply means I am no more with you to hold you, care for you, tuck you in and kiss goodnight, take you to your first school, be there when you come home, cried that you are going off to college, comfort you when you get your first heart break, help you with your homework, and so many firsts……but my love, my little angel, I will always be with you because my blood flows in your veins and not just that I am in heaven watching over you.

My love, my unborn child, there are many things I want to tell you, so many things you will face as you grow but irrespective of all this, you will overcome them by LOVING AND STAYING TRUE TO YOURSELF.
Never feel a need to be liked by all but always feel a need to be like by yourself and you will see others liking you.

PRE-HIGH SCHOOL could be fun and great but also it can be painful, like falling from your bike or a tree or pavement or even worse, losing your favourite toy. But don’t let it change you, be true to what you believe deep inside. Stand for what you believe in, no matter how ridiculous it may seem. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise and you will see with time they will come to accept you for who you are. Pre-school has a way of molding you but it is the best part of your school years because it is the year you will be able to get away with everything cause you are still cute and adorably looking. But most importantly because you are still open in heart and mind, for you then, there should always be a reason why you can’t do anything. Meaning with you, everything is possible until you are marred.

HIGH SCHOOL years are the years in your life that if you do not know who you are and what you stand for, you will be toss to and fro with difference doctrines out there. Remember, you would meet others with different thoughts and behaviours.
School life is not the end of the world; believe me when I say that it is just a beginning of great things. Never ever judge yourself based on how or what you are, in school because life won’t judge you on that. School is where you build your true self. It is like seeing yourself in a bad mirror and thinking that, that’s your real self. So you need to stay strong because the real deal is AFTER SCHOOL.

That is when you will understand that those who portray themselves as strong or cool are not as strong or cool as they look and AFTER SCHOOL will have sieved the chaff out, so don’t sweat it.

With RELATIONSHIPS, your mum is the bomb when it come it this…or not (joking my love, my sunshine). Mum messed this up several times but irrespective of it all, she got you. Really, when it comes to this don’t let anyone tell you how to go about this, even me, your mum because no one has the answer to this one. You have to experience it to love it and want it.

On this, one hug doesn't fit all but instead one hug is for one. Uniqueness is the key to all relationships and when you try once and it doesn't work, try and try again, till you get the special one for you...remember FOR YOU, not for anyone but for you. Well child, the truth is that, for it to be true LOVE it is going to hurt, REALLY HURT. If it doesn't, how would you learn to appreciate and fight for it? However it goes; never ever give up on it and most importantly on yourself. It may tarry but believe me baby, it will surely come. Life will suck when you are looking for true love but once found; you would forget all the pain it caused you to find it, it just like the pain of having a baby. But before I move on from this, true love is not Cinderella or Princess Jasmine love story. Trying not to say that those kind of love doesn't happen because it does happen but don’t base yours on that. What I'm trying to say is that, don’t box your love, give it wings to fly.

FAMILY should be very important to you because they will always stick with you no matter what. When world turns it’s back on you, don’t turn your back on the world because you still have your family who are part of the world. Your family should always supersede every other thing. They help you root your life and besides they are the one thing you can’t change or choose.

Your father is an amazing person and he loves me and you dearly, when everyone stopped believing in me, he stood strongly behind me. He is my anchor, my shield, my lover and he is my friend. He is the reason why I am proud to call you my very own. He loved me like no man could. Messing up and giving up on my life, he found me and restored me to my glory. I love him like I have ever loved any other.

I remember the first time I felt love for your father, crazy it may seem, we were not even dating then just friends…
The night at a bar, just having a drink and he was so sweet and funny, I love to hear him talk which was weird because I get bored easily with guys who tend to talk alot. Playfully that very night he kissed my forehead and I don’t remember any man ever doing that to me before and it felt good and I mean really good.

Duh! You may say but for me it wasn’t. There and then, he possessed my heart and mind. Without even realizing I was in love with him, I spent every free hours without him. I wasn’t looking for love but love looked for me.
It is best thing that ever happen to me was meeting and loving him because it made me very happy indeed.
So I tell you, if it seems that love is not close to you, please my little one, don’t give up on you and your God.

GOD – some people say that he doesn’t exist, some say he does but what does he care, some even say that he is partial; some even say there is a higher power up there who is just having fun with humanity.
My little angel, I wouldn’t tell you if he does or doesn’t exit. Why not, you may ask? Well, because you need to search for him to know if he exists or not. He is better found by one self for you to appreciate if he does or doesn’t. Forget what you have been taught in school, church, mosque, on TV etc. search for him yourself and you will find more than you bargained for.

So my baby, I will stop here but not for long, because you will get the next letter soon.
Mum loves you from here to the end of the earth and back and there again and back again, until to the end of the earth.

Yours Sincerely
Forever and ever Mummy